My name is Carrie, and I am a Careful Eater. I "anguish over each food morsel and its effect on the body."
I've been spouting off about how much I connect with the Intuitive Eating philosophy lately and yesterday I heard myself in a new way. I lost weight by counting calories and increasing my exercise. My original goal of losing 20 pounds was pretty easy. Then, I changed my goal to lose another 7 pounds. When I got to that number, I was encouraged by myself and others in my support system, to keep going. For my final goal, I picked an arbitrary number that sounded good, another 7 pounds. I reached the goal.
Trying to stay at that number was unrealistic. That's when my period stopped and when I started to starve my body. I didn't realize it until now, but I was starving my body.
That's when the binges started. And I gave myself permission to binge. I thought that if I was really careful, I'd make up for the binges with my diet and exercise on other days. Yes, I kept close to that number on the scale, but at what cost? After my realization a month ago, I started to ease up on the calories a bit. I quickly gained those last 7 pounds back and wasn't happy. I started reading more and more online about how to handle the feelings I was having. I kept going back to the Intuitive Eating articles and decided to buy the book.
I was really skinny at that low weight. A little bit of flab on my thighs and butt, but a really flat belly. I got all kinds of compliments from everyone about how "fantastic" I looked. That obviously felt good. I wanted to stay at that weight. But, I know now that isn't my ideal healthy weight.
The last time I got on the scale was a week ago. Before I read "Intuitive Eating". Before I started working on banishing the food police from my life and before I began working on how to make peace with food. Today, I didn't weigh myself, this is my usual weigh in day. I don't even want to. I feel my body is pretty much exactly how it was a week ago, if you go by how my jeans feel. Two weeks before that, I was weighing myself multiple times a day. Now, I haven't even looked at the scale.
I haven't enjoyed food nearly as much as I have this past week. I had some Halloween candy on Halloween and haven't felt the need to eat any more after that. I had some potato chips the other day and enjoyed them immensely. I have a new found love of bananas with peanut butter - that's my slice of heaven right now. I was craving that the other day when I went to Starbucks for some coffee. I glanced through the pastry display and all I could think about was my banana. I passed on the Starbucks pastries and enjoyed the banana at home. It was perfect. One night this week, I went with Mr. Math Teacher and Dude to a Japanese BBQ place, we grilled veggies and several types of meat, it was fantastic. I enjoyed every bite and stopped when I was full.
What I've also learned is that I was planning my meals so carefully with calories in mind that I'd finish the whole plate of food even if I was full. Talk about ignoring my hunger cues. Wow, I totally missed that one.
I haven't binged in a week. I feel good, I've exercised almost daily. I'm proud that my exercise is now focused on distance (thank you #NovGTD) and not calories burned. This is helping tremendously to remind me that I'm exercising for my health and to feel good, not to assist in my mind-numbing control of calories. I know how good I feel after I've exercised and I want to feel that.
I've got a bit more content to my body. But, I ran 4 miles easily on the treadmill on Tuesday. How cool is that?
In another attempt at feeling good, it was hair cut day around here. I'm really cheap when it comes to hair cuts, so I haven't cut mine since January. Eeek. The gray was creeping in, so I had a cut and color and feel awesome.
I really struggled to get a decent picture, but it's pretty short for me and it's pretty dark. I'll take another picture on a day I let it go curly (my usual do).
Petey got his hair cut too. I think he looks cuter than me.
I still have the appendicies of the book to work through. But this quote sums up my current feelings pretty well, "The more satisfied you are when eating, the less you will think about food when you are not hungry - you will no longer be on the prowl." Did they get into my brain or what?
Did you enjoy your food today? Did you take time to enjoy it and were you satisfied? I hope so!