The other day I saw a train wreck coming in my daughter's relationship with food. Let me back up a little bit. She just turned 10 and is very petite, as in she looks 8. She's 4'1" and weighs maybe 45 pounds. I was very similar when I was her age, although a tiny bit bigger. She doesn't eat very much, understandably. Although she's also a very very picky eater.
When I pick my kids up from school they're always hungry. I bring something healthy with me, usually fruit so that's their first snack and then they can have crackers, chips or whatever. I try to mix up the selections but lately they'd been complaining that I always bring the same things. So, on Tuesday I had gone to the store while they were at school and stocked up. I brought some sliced peaches. When Dude saw the option, he complained. But, he got over it and ate them as he was hungry. He gets out of school about 10 minutes before she does, so he usually eats his fruit and then a 2nd snack that I bring. For her, we're usually home by the time she's done with her fruit, so I only bring her 1 thing. She saw the peaches and complained as well. I explained that she asked for more variety and there ya go.
We get home and she refuses to eat them. She knows there won't be any crackers or other snacks until the fruit has been eaten so she sits down to do her homework and sulks. On this particular evening, she has about 2 hours before we have to leave for her dance class, but class is from 6-8. so I like her to eat dinner before she goes. She finally stops sulking and does her homework and it's now after 4:00, so I offer up an early dinner. She eats, feels better and all is well.
We briefly had an exchange at some point about how if she's going to complain about the snacks, then I'm just not going to bring anything. She said 'fine'. Crap. That backfired on me.
As I was thinking about the whole exchange yesterday, I realized that we were in a battle over food. Some serious sirens went off in my head. That's some terribly dangerous territory. I needed to deal with this immediately.
Last night, Mr. Math Teacher was at a late school function and Dude was in bed, so I sat down to talk to her. I explained to her that us fighting over food was a bad thing to start. We've talked before about how she's small and doesn't eat very much and that's why I'm so aware of the things she does eat and how much more important it is that those things are good fuel for her. We had such an amazing talk. She's so awesome. I told her about some of my issues and how I really don't want my issues to become hers. I want her to understand and appreciate food and not let it have so much power over her. We talked about her friends and how they eat more than she does and that's ok and I reminded her how I'm always so impressed that she knows exactly how hungry she is and she doesn't over eat. She makes good choices on sweets and will pass on them sometimes if she knows she's had enough. We talked a lot about not eliminating things completely from their days. We talked about my eating habits and her dad's eating habits and the things we do wrong sometimes.
That was my major parenting activity for the day. Obviously it's not a one time conversation, but I reminded her when we were done that I want her to always be able to talk to me about anything.
The most interesting note was when we were talking about eating out and she said she really doesn't like to order from the kids menu anymore. She's so picky that we usually insist because she only likes that stuff and I'm not spending money on an adult meal that she won't eat hardly anything of and she may not like. We agreed on a new plan since we all know how large restaurant portions are, she wants to try sharing meals with me. I don't need the whole entree either, so we'll see how this goes.
On another note - today was weigh in day. I made it a week! The scale said exactly what I thought it would. I'm good with that, it was right in my range of ok. I almost skipped the weigh in since I've got 3 more days of hormones. I had a whole discussion with Mr. Math Teacher last night about how if the number doesn't matter, then why should I get on the scale.
Also, I jinxed myself and am sick. Coughing, nasal drip, generally feel like crap. I was up half the night coughing. Yuck. I'm going to skip the gym today, they don't need me coughing all over the place. Maybe I'll walk the dogs later and do some strength training on my own.
When it rains it pours. I guess I had a lot to say. Thanks for reading. Parenting is such an interesting journey. I hope I'm strong enough to let my daughter grow up without picking up my baggage. There are so many more things I want to talk to her about, I need to start a list and work them in to my 'teachable moments'.